A woman cannot be open and free sexually with you if she does not trust you or respect you as a man. The more she trusts you the more open she will be.
So, if she doesn’t want to make love to you know that on some level she doesn’t or lost trust in you, she feels like you don’t understand her or will not be there for her. Even though she might know you love her, if she doesn’t trust that you have an interest in making her happy, she will not be able to connect with you. We need to feel significant, surprised and love by our men all the time, and we intuitively know that when we are a priority for you we don’t have to ask for attention or affectionate gestures from you. Every man in love with his woman will be consumed with the need to constantly please her, so even though we might not know it intellectually, we feel it, and when it doesn’t happen we slowly close off. No woman is needy for signs of affection if they are consistently there and she feels like you mean everything you say and do. Women are nurturers and givers by nature, so unless you are neglecting her (consciously or unconsciously) she will not put you through hell. If she is not happy and is constantly arguing with you, find out what needs are not being met for her in the relationship. Read the 6 human needs and then have a conversation with her and listen carefully because she will tell you what she is missing. Then, make a plan as to what you need to do in order to meet her needs. She needs to feel that you are there for her even when she is acting crazy, so instead of feeling like a failure or angry try to just be present for her and look at it as a request for attention and affection.
One of the most fundamental needs for a woman is to feel certainty, to feel like her man is going to be there for her, loving, protecting and assuring her happiness. If you love her, but are neglecting the relationship due to other things, even important things like building a career, she will not feel significant or like she is a priority for you. She will appreciate your efforts and will not leave you, but she will also slowly die inside and start closing off to you.
Make her feel special with small gestures everyday and that will keep her happy, radiant and wanting to surprise you in the ways she knows you like most. I am talking here about women and men that are in real relationships based on attraction and love, not superficial or materialistic partnerships.
As women, our intuition lets us know if you mean what you say or do, and when you say or do something that pleasantly surprises us, even though you don’t have too, it shows us you really care. You are thinking about what would make us happy and you make the effort of making that happen.
Gents, if you want your woman to be open and loving it is time you step up to the plate and consistently do the things you know make her happy. Don’t be boring and do the same thing over and over again, innovate and spice up things.
So next time she is pissed off with you, and you think “ I did nothing to upset her, what is wrong with her?”, just know that feminine energy flows like a storm. Women have a larger both positive and negative emotional range while men have a narrow and consistent one. Problems appear when men expect women to narrow down their range of emotions. Biochemically women are flooded with negative emotions whenever they don’t feel certain about a man caring enough. If you expect her to have a positive outlook when she is upset, or when you react to her with anger or apprehension, she will feel like she si not accepted for who she is and that she cannot be herself around him and she will lose trust they can connect.
We are testing you in those moments to see if you are there for us or if we are right in thinking something is wrong. Stand your ground, be present for her, and really try to understand what is she really saying behind the words she is using. Most often it’s a test to see if she can feel safe to trust you with her feelings and a request for affection. She might say “get away from me” but what she is really saying is“I feel so hurt, come take me in your arms and assure me everything is going to be ok”. Don’t ever, ever listen to her and walk away. A real man is able to face storms and bring the sun up again. You don’t even have to say to much, because probably in those moments her intense emotions will just make her complain about everything so you cannot argue, defend or rationalize your point. But, if you truly intend to be present for her knowing she just feels hurt on some level, the storm will pass, the skies will clear up and the make-up sex will be amazing ;))
If you act like this she will trust you and open up to you more and more, but if you run away like a coward she will only lose respect for you and in order to protect her heart from disappointment withdraw love. The consequence for going this route is more misunderstandings and resentment from both of you, more fights and needs neglected and of course the inevitable separation. If separation is not an option, then a life of misery together.
Most common complaint I hear from the couples I work with is that “passion is gone, that she does not want to make love and that’s why he cheated”. Well, guess what gents, we love making love as much as you love making love, and want to feel incredible pleasure in new exciting ways as much as you do! But, if we feel like we are not a priority we cannot open up to you.
Turn things around and surprise us with affectionate gestures consistently, make us a priority and you will be surprised to see a sensual goddess coming out to play. She will amaze you with her creative craziness and take you on a wild ride every time. Make your partner a priority and passion, intimacy and love will only make your relationship grow. A relationship should be like your baby, you need to constantly nurture it in order to help it develop to full potential.
I never heard a couple say, you know Madalina: we are so certain that we are going to be there for each other no matter what- (need for certainty); we have so much fun and a passionate sex life and we always surprise each other (need for uncertainty); I feel like there is nothing more important to him than me and he feels like there is nothing more important to me than him (need for significance); we love each other so much, and we show it all the time (need for love and connection); we are constantly growing and nurturing our bond, we are constantly seeking ways of bringing passion, aliveness and fun in our relationship( the need for growth); and we always put the other first, our number one priority it to find what new activity would bring laughter, support and excitement to the other( need for contribution)- and since we are living all this, we just think it’s not working out and we want to split up.
Women feel respect when the man next to them means and does what he says and when he surprises showing love not because he has to, but because he wants to. Yes of course it is nice to plan and celebrate important days together but if you can have small spontaneous celebrations every day, your intimacy and love for each other will just keep building because all you will want to do is please each other.
Think about how you feel when you meet someone new and are excited about him or her. You focus on everything you like about them, you cannot wait to spend time and get to know them. You plan surprises and enjoy doing all sorts of crazy new things; you are open and engaged in discovering a world or fun, pleasure and opportunities of enjoying life to the fullest.
Now think about the common behavior people assume in relationships after some time. You start focusing on all the negative things about your partner, you don’t have fun anymore, you don’t want to surprise them or make an effort in bringing excitement and smiles on their face because you think” why should I, he/she doesn’t do this and this and this so why should I do nice things for him/her”?
The focus totally changes and each person will escape in his or her own world to feel good again. If the two are in a marriage and kids or other things are binding them, usually the path leads the man to find significance and pleasure in work, alchohol or affairs. The woman will usually find comfort in girlfriends, kids or food. The paths are infinite here and it varies from individual to individual but these are the common ones.
People don’t just fall out of love or get bored with each other. Passion doesn’t go out the window if you make your partner a priority. Even after you have kids and responsibilities, you are the core of that family and if you don’t take care of that core, the kids will feel it and start acting out or feel like they are to blame etc. You will just give them a bad example of what a marriage should be. Happy parents that worship one another raise happy kids. Nothing else affects their development into a happy adult more than this.
Boredom doesn’t just happen, we create boredom, in every moment, with every word or action, we are either building more intimacy in our relationship or sliding apart. Let’s take responsibility for what we want to live!