Ladies, as I am focusing on writing an ebook on self love, here comes life giving me the chance of practicing that, and making me realize how necessary cutting some people off is, when they are being rude and coming from a place of frustration for being rejected. Standing up for yourself and others facing abusive behaviors IS self love.
And so I feel compelled to write a post about men acting stupidly when dealing with rejection. Someone I know for more than 8 years now, someone who has been around myself and my ex husband, and has constantly tried to get my attention, managed to anger me tremendously because now I can see him for the pathetic person he is choosing to be through his behavior. Apologies are not enough, justifications of what was meant is useless, and my respect for him gone forever.
These are the type of accomplished men career wise, with very passive- aggressive personalities, who will never accept “no” for an answer when it comes to approaching women they like. They are so driven to get their way that they will pretend to be your friend hoping that in time you will change your mind about them. In reality they never give up on the idea of being with you and when they will see you happy with someone else, the venom of feeling rejected will come out and they will try to hurt you. Do yourself a favor and cut them off before you get there. It is hard to do this when there are common friends you need to explain yourself too, but you have to put people acting stupidly in their place, so they can learn their lesson. If it seems to you that he is very persistent and tries over and over again, failing to accept that you do not want, and will never want more than a friendship with him, do not try to be friends with him.
You should see a big red flag if even when they see you are in a relationship or marriage, they keep insisting through sneaky behaviors, disrespecting you and your husband or partner. Their behavior just shows you the lack of character, morals, and shady personality they possess, and you should not hope they will get it and accept to be your friends.
I dealt with men wanting to be with me many many times, and usually when I expressed my interest in having a friendship only, they understood and told me they cannot really be friends, since they are attracted to me and respectfully decided to walk away. But now I learned that there are also men who lie about their true intentions, who will pretend to be your friends until they become convinced of the impossibility of ever being with you, and then will lash out in hate and show who they really are as a person.
I could see the red flags a lot of times and tried to be polite and gracefully express over and over again my lack of interest, because I always got a lot of attention from men, and I think I should always be polite and reject them in a way that doesn’t hurt their feelings. My logic is that if women act nasty towards men that want them, then those men will take all that rejection, get bitter about women, and then abuse other women who genuinely want to be with them. Sometimes, your belief and hope in the good nature of people will let others abuse you, and that is an absolute lack of self love.
In the workplace, sexual harassment has deviant ways of expressing itself, depending on the ingenuity of the harasser, and through my consulting contracts with corporations I got to see really twisted behavior from powerful men who feel entitled to get everything they want. If you are that type of man reading this, then read this line: “You might be a successful businessman, and you might get EVERYTHING you want, but you will NOT get ‘EVERYONE” you want, and you better stay away from trying to offend women who are powerful in their own right and who will not be afraid to confront you. You might end up losing everything you worked so hard for due to your lack of character and ethics”.
I hope you women dealing with these type of situations in life, decide to stand up for yourselves and expose these individuals. Do not fail to express your concerns to HR as soon as you see the first signs because they will not stop, they are just waiting for the right moment. Do you know how many women fail to report being raped due to feeling ashamed for it? And individuals who should be behind bars continue to harass and abuse woman after woman throughout their life? How many women in third world countries get to be abused in horrible ways because the society is always taking the side of the male? The numbers are astonishing and it is so sad that these individuals get away with their abusive behaviors. These men are a disgrace for the masculine gender putting a stigma on the 90 % of good men out there, and make women feel powerless. Wake up world, we are in 2015 and we should have an evolved perspective on gender interaction or any human interaction for that matter!
Sexual or not, harassment is harassment, and you should learn to own your power and stand up for yourself in all sorts of relationships. There are 3 reasons why people hate you:
1) They hate themselves and implicitly you because you remind them of what is lacking in themselves or their life
2) They want to be you, but they don’t believe they can be, do or have whatever it is you are, do or have
3) They see you as a threat
They will try anything to feel better about themselves and that means dragging you through the mud and projecting their insecurities on you so that they can reinforce the belief that life is not that great for you either.Whoever people choose to be in a moment towards you reflects purely how they feel inside about themselves and you are just an outlet through which they try to feel a little better about themselves. If they would not feel the lack within themselves they will not attack you for living something they want but don’t have. You are proof it is possible and that twists the knife in their wound. If the wound would not be there, there would be support or indifference at least towards you, but when you feel attacked, try to feel good, that means you’re doing something right with your life in order to stir up that envy.
Do not allow abusers in your life, they do not deserve to be your friends, and if they cannot respect you or your wishes, then they should not be your acquaintances either.
We have to shatter outdated mentalities coming from societies filled with male domination and female submission. We are strong independent women, we can take care of ourselves and do anything a man can. We can actually have a baby without a man nowadays, if we choose to, so crush the ones trying to disrespect you, and embody your personal power, so that you can be a role model and together we can make this world a better place. Bitter insecure women reinforce abusive behaviors towards other women as well through their mean attitudes, gossiping and sabotaging behaviors. Stay away from those ones as well, and instead surround yourself with people on the same mission as you are. There is a beautiful saying about women and it goes like this: ” “You can always tell who the strong women are. They are the ones you see building each other up, instead of tearing each other down”.
I come from an ex communist country and one where the male mentality is sexist a lot of times. One of the things I love about living in US is that no matter how sexy and beautiful you are and choose to express your sensuality through your style, the only thing you will hear men saying as you walk down the street is ” God bless you beautiful” or ” You look lovely” or any variation of nice compliments. They know they can just give you a compliment and get a thank you and a smile back and it stops there. There is no shouting after you as to what they would love to do or any vulgarity expressed through animalistic behaviors.
This is how it should be, and a “no” should be accepted for what it is! All you sexist men, acknowledge that you love sensuality and want to have it in your life, you want to be with passionate women, you admire actresses and musicians out there who express it but then you put down the women who stand out through their confidence and self esteem, if you are being rejected.
Just so you know, you suffer from what is called “cognitive dissonance”, a mental disorder where you hold 2 or more contradictory values, ideas or beliefs and that makes you behave in dualistic ways. The Fox and the Grapes is one of Aesop’s fables and a perfect metaphor for cognitive dissonance. Make yourself familiar with it, it represents your frustration for “hating what you cannot get”!
Women, most of us are lovers, but if need be, we have to become fierce warriors against injustices, be it towards self or other women, children, racism or plain freedom of choosing only what we want in life!