I‘m trying to distract myself from the pain I never thought possible or able to process. I always knew I will have to say goodbye to your physical self, just not this soon. This void will never be filled, and the ony thing I can focus on, which brings relief, is knowing that we travel in these physical bodies and have eternal souls, therefore death is irelevant in the grand scheme of the universe. I love you and will always do, I cherish every moment we spent togheter and I was one of the luckiest girls to have you as my mother. You were my mother, but most importantly you were my best friend, always there with loving words and actions. I never had to hide anything from you because you were open with me and made me feel
comfortable in sharing my experiences so we can find solutions togheter.I know whoever knew you, from our family to friends or acquintances feel the same way, and we all felt you around us as we are grieving you and remembering what a loving person you were to all of us. My whole life I saw you dedicating yourself to my wellbeing, and that of others around you. There were so many other experiences I wanted us to have in this lifetime. Even so, as I saw you in my dream right after you passed away, I have to accept that you are free and happy. There are no words to really describe the beautiful angel you were, or the beautiful angel you are now. I’m asking you to visit me in my dreams every night if possible, to surround me with your energy at all times, and always watch over me. We all loved and love you, we will never forget you, and we are all grieving, because we wanted you to stay with us a little longer. I know your soul is free, blissful and ready to start a new life experience. Even so, I’m asking you to always surround me and everyone who loved you with your energy, to whisper advice when we’ll need it, to envelop us with your loving energy.
I love you so much mom, and I thank you for giving me the most beautiful and loving relationship a mother-daughter could have.
Hey my awesome mama, Happy Mother’s Day/International Women’s Day and Happy Anniversary to you two…love you bunches, wish you all the best and lots of patience and understanding when dealing with my crazy self.
Surprise, surprise..What? You thought I would just acknowledge you with a phone call ???
I know you wish I would be there now, but you had a beautiful day full of flowers and presents, and now I thought I should touch your heart a bit with some words of gratitude and love. You’re not allowed to cry, not even tears of happiness, ok!!
Love you very very much and I’m blessed to have you as my mom. Thanks for always being so open with me, for truly making me feel safe in telling you whatever was and is going on in my life, and for never asking me to be someone else.
Thanks for always telling me to be fearless and courageous enough to choose only what makes me happy.
Since fashion is our common hobby, I want to thank you for being such an open-minded fashion designer, before being a mom, and always agreeing with my requests. You never said “no, that is not appropriate for you”, and feeling that freedom of choice meant a lot. Instead, you laughed and gave me ideas of how to make those designs even better, and then asked the girls in charge of the sewing to put them together for me. Because of you and your career it was possible for me to be exposed to that environment. I asked for outrageous fur coats, hats and dresses with feathers, crystals, pearls and all sorts of accessories since I was 5 years old, and I cherish those memories so much. Being able to have the designs I had in mind done for me made me feel special, loved, pampered and between yours and dad’s affection and care, I developed the belief that life is meant to give you everything you want.
You being a fashion designer and him a soccer player, meant plenty of opportunities for fun, and I’m glad you two enjoyed yourselves before having me. You were ready to put yourselves last and I truly felt that every decision was made with the intention of putting me and my wishes and needs first. I cannot thank you enough for that.
Thanks for encouraging me to write and for working with me every day after school on those essays. You had a second job at home tutoring me, and I would not be able to do this if it would not have been for your love and determination. You are wonder woman, and I hope you remind yourself that every day. You sacrificed everything for me, and put yourself last from the moment I came into your life.
You encouraged me to express who I am freely, and not limit myself due to external pressures of fitting opinions about how a girl should be. Your laughter, curiosity and appreciation of my unconventional ideas, instilled in me the desire to look deep inside myself and find out who I am and what I want to do with my life. That doesn’t mean I figured it all out, we have to leave space for surprises and new avenues opening up in the future, but the foundation is there. The independence, confidence and belief in myself are personal values that naturally guide my life.
You encouraged my decisions and ideas even when they were scary or hurtful. I know how much you suffered, and the depression you went through in the years following my departure from Romania and coming to US. I will never be able to thank you enough for the sacrifices and pain you endured because of my decisions. Thank you for believing in me and for not imposing your wishes and motherly needs, but instead always choosing to focus on what I wanted.
I miss you every day.