“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” – Rumi
The most important relationship we need to focus on in order to bring harmony in all of our external relationships is the relationship with self. What stands at the core of all of our suffering and ego illusions is our inability to accept ourselves, the separation we create through that critical inner voice. Instead of being our best coach and supporter we tear ourselves down with self doubt and hate, fear and limitations. If we are plagued with a disease called “perfectionism”, loving ourselves is the hardest thing to do, because no matter how good we are or how much we try, it will never be good enough for that critical self called ego. External relationships always reflect the relationship we have with our own inner being, and only after we understand that and gradually start loving who we are, we can also attract people in our lives that vibrate on the same note. People that will be peaceful and happy to be themselves and due to that open to differences and kind towards others.
When self love and appreciation is present, we feel joy, peace and unconditional love for everything that is, we don’t have any walls around us or judgments towards others, fears or insecurities, we live in and from our heart instead of our egoic separated mind. Duality and the ego mind produces the loss of self love and connection to who we truly are. That is why we invented a distant and cold God and gave IT human qualities such as judgment, guilt, punishment and worship. Our Source sees us as perfect and loves us unconditionally every moment, and when WE don’t love ourselves, or we feel not enough, or we judge ourselves in some way is when we experience bad emotions. Those bad emotions are our guidance system telling us that the Source within does not think alike, and shows us through negative emotions the disconnection we are producing so that we can become aware of our thoughts and change them. We are vibrational beings, sparks of consciousness embodied here in this physical plane to experience joy and fulfillment and when we live contrast we do so in order to better know that what we want and what we think and therefore attracted was not congruent. Each experience is meant to make us better understand our preferences and desires and then by following positive thoughts regarding the fulfilment of those desires to become masters of our experience and truly feel our power as creators of our experience.
The brain is a device meant to receive and transmit thoughts that are in alignment with that positive force field we are coming from, and interpret reality from that aligned consciousness which in turn would be experienced by us through our physical senses who are interpreters of vibration. This is where the mastery comes in though. We have free will, and we get to choose if we want to use our brain and be aligned with the positive source of life or let our ego mind dominate our experience and follow out negative thoughts. So I’ll say it again, negative emotion is to be appreciated because it means the thoughts that we are thinking about ourselves or life situation are the opposite of the thoughts that our inner being is thinking and our feelings are the guidance we are supposed to listen to in order to correct our perception and get the wanted instead of the unwanted outcomes. This is an evolutionary game that we can play over and over again until we get to be masters at it. Our physical nature is very inclined to judge and compare, label as right or wrong, be caught up in blame and feelings of failure, by looking at a situation and being focused on the lack and negativity end of it. We have been taught that the way to solve a problem is by clamoring around it, well that is not true at all, stresing about something and inspiration for the solution of it are total different vibrations and brain chemistries. Our primitive brain is under constant survival mode, the stress levels in our society are ridiculous, and it is time we understand why we do what we do and how we can become conscious.
Feeling good about ourselves is all that matters in order to create happiness in each and every area of our lives, no exception. Anything that we can focus upon and feel love, beauty peace etc is beneficial because it increases our vibration and numerous studies in neuroscience now prove that clarity and improved mental capacity is happening only when we feel good. You might think that if you are without a job, applying all day long online is much better than 1 hour of meditation or taking a walk on the beach, but getting away from the stressful situation and relaxing about it by focusing on something you enjoy is what you need, and paradoxically after that the phone call with a job interview happens as well. Think about situations in your life when you relaly wanted something and no matter how hard you tried you could not get it, but the moment you relaxed about it, maybe moved on and forgot about it or just gave up out of so much pain, how the situation improved on its own. You got out of negative emotions and by feeling a little better you allowed the solution to flow to you. Everything you want, is already present in teh quantum field and the moment you start feeling good about it and expect it to come without a doubt it can manifest into the physical reality.
Positive psychology and Neuroscience have been instrumental in the past decade or so in scientifically proving that people who appreciate themselves, are confident and believe in their inherent goodness are much more successful and happy in every area of their life. How we look at ourselves determines all of our actions and the quality of life that we will have, so we need to find ways to authentically connect with ourself and when we find self acceptance all of our external reality will shift to reflect the inner change.
Self worth and self esteem are crucially tied with self confidence and self power in having the life of our dreams.
Our success in life is either promoted by self love or stopped by our two main fears: fear of not being enough and because of that fear of not being loved. If we experience positive emotions such as self appreciation, confidence and worth then we will be enthusiastic and passionate about creating the best. On the other hand, if we feel low self esteem, blame, guilt or shame, lack of confidence in our power to change our life circumstances or unworthiness for being able to experience happiness and everything that we desire, we will feel depression, lack of motivation, overwhelm and fatigue.
It is all inside of us and we need to become conscious creators, we need to heal that critical inner child and transform it into our best coach.
Emotional Intelligence helps build traits such as empathy and compassion, learned optimism, kindness and generosity, personal power and self awareness.
Besides the above learnable EQ traits, gratitude and forgiveness are qualities that can help us easily develop self love.
Gratitude has the same vibration as love and by focusing every day on positive aspects in ourselves, on things we enjoy doing, we will be astounded to find out how our life transforms and how many more pleasing and empowering traits we discover to have. We each possess many many talents and the potential for greatness inside and it is only a matter of discovering that potential and applying it in the world. One of my favorite quotes fitting here is Einstein’s “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”
Isn’t that so? We need to discover what ignites that fire in our heart and go for it without fear. That is how we become self actualized, by identifying our talents which will become our passions and we will do what we love and love what we do in this world.
When we connect with that part in us, that real self, we will attract delicious experiences and life will feel wonderful and full of opportunities for creative self expression through joyous manifestations in the physical reality.
Forgiveness for self and others is the second best thing we can do to open our heart to love. Forgive yourself right now for all the pain you unconsciously attracted and created in your reality. You attracted all those experiences out of fear or ego based beliefs and it is all in the past, what matters is what you think and feel in this moment. Right now you have all the power, in creating a different future so let go of the past, unless you want the past to repeat again in the future, your choice… Forgive other people that hurt you as well, it does not matter how wrong they were or how much they hurt you. Even if they were in low vibrations and hurt you intentionally, first of all you, through your fears, attracted them in your life and allowed them to hurt you. Secondly, by keeping yourself stuck in feelings of resentment, anger, self pity or revenge now, are still punishing yourself and not letting the desires you have come to you. The Source will never agree with you in judging them, because the Source loves them unconditionally, the same way it loves you, so every time you think or feel negative about somebody else you are disconnecting yourself from who you truly are. That doesn’t mean you should stay in toxic environments, that would not be beneficial for you, but let go of trying to control others and just know that what you want is coming to you in the perfect timing, maybe not from the avenue you imagined, but it is still coming. The perfect timing has to do with your alignment in positive thought and therefore expectation regarding that subject. You cannot control or change others, unless they want to change on their own, so give up the action part and instead embrace the idea of aligning energetically with your desires.
You might wonder, how did you become so disconected from your inner being, why did you have to experience separation and from that go to attract negativity in your relationships? Well, when you were born you were very much aligned with who you truly are, as a kid you knew your goodness and inherent worth, but then you grew up and everybody started expecting and demanding from you to be a certain way, your parents, your teachers, your friends, your society. You wanted to be loved and appreciated by all of them and so in your need for external approval started slowly going away from who you truly are and want in life, and instead learned that love is gained by fulfilling everyone else’s expectations of how you should be. You tried very hard to please them all and got even more confused because they were all expecting you to be what they each perceived as good. Every time you noticed somebody didn’t love or appreciate you, you took it upon yourself as the cause to be some flaw in you. So in the end frustrated and lost you concluded that you are bad, not enough, unworthy etc.
In your desire to please them, you forgot about pleasing you and could not understand why you cannot feel good. We cannot expect others to love us when we don’t love ourselves, our inner world and our relationship with self is mirrored in our external relationships. When we authentically accept and cherish who we are, we do not care about how another reacts to us. Funny enough those that feel the same appreciation for themselves will then be introduced to us and we will be able to have fulfilling interactions while the people that vibrate much lower will not stand to be around our positivity, we remind them of how unhappy they feel. I know it is a little disconcerting to ponder this thought when we think about family situations, people that we cannot just leave behind because their presence is toxic. In that case, we need to accept them for who and where they are and show compassion for their present experience of separation from who they truly are. When they judge you or disagree with you, lashing out their frustrations, just know that it is their inner turmoil they are projecting and do not get sucked into it. Choose to stay positive in dealing with them and try with humor to lift them up as much as you can by also reminding them that this is your life and you should have the last word in deciding how it’s best lived.
You cannot ask somebody else to be who you want them to be so you can love them, the same way you should not care about what other people want you to be in order to please them. Care about feeling good about yourself and being aligned with your core and then from that place, you can attract the people that are also aligned with who they truly are and vibrate on the same level as you. The universe is vibrational in nature and that is how people, events and circumstances come together, so instead of trying to control or change people put your focus on your desires and let the universe connect you with other people that have the same values and interests as you do. We all have different values, beliefs and preferences, we give different meanings even if we might live the same experience. We are at different places in our life so instead of fighting learn to allow others to be who they are in this moment and focus on what type of relationships you want. In this way, by your alignment with your core, the relationship or relationships will naturally change because you inspire that change by reflecting the peace you feel inside or if not then new fulfilling relationships will come into your life to match your inner world. We live so much under the illusion of loss instead of embracing the unknown, which holds the fulfillment of the desires born out of the contrast that we lived. Smile and relax knowing your desires are making their way to you ;)..
Love and be happy,